This past month has been a difficult one. I've become painfully acquainted with my inadequacies and shortcomings more than ever before. I've realized that I am afraid of growing up and entering the real world. I feel like I am just wandering around aimlessly, unsure of myself and those around me.
But times of trial can often be great times of learning and growth and this particular time of trial has been no exception.
- For one thing, I have learned that no matter how much I am going through, there is someone out there who is going through something worse. Rather than wallowing in self-pity, I've learned that the advice Gordon B. Hinckley received from his father while he was discouraged on his mission, "Forget yourself and go to work," is a much better and more rewarding option. I've been called as the Humanitarian Service Chair in my ward and I'm beginning to realize what a blessing that has been recently. As I've tried to help those around me who are struggling much more than I am, my own problems seem to dissipate and I am much happier. The problems haven't gone away but I see them in a different light and with new perspective.
- I've also learned that even when you don't see immediate results stem from a choice you have made that that doesn't mean that the decision was wrong. For example, I bought a contract at an apartment complex across campus a few months back. I never really felt good about the decision; in fact, I had a hard time falling asleep each night because I was so worried about it. It wasn't until I decided to buy a contract within the ward I was already in and sell the contract across campus that the worrying finally stopped. It felt like a huge burden had been lifted from my shoulders and I knew I had made the right decision. But over the past few weeks, the reasons why that decision to stay in the ward (and in Provo, for that matter) was the right one, have not been made apparent. I haven't found a job yet to help pay the bills. The man of my dreams hasn't come along to get down on one knee and pop the question. Despite that, I still feel like I made the right choice to stay here, no matter how illogical or imprudent it may seem to others.
- I've also learned the value of friendship. I've come to know who my true friends are in the last few weeks and I've also learned who is not. I'm grateful for all those who have tried to help me overcome my fears and my feelings of inadequacy, who have pointed out my good qualities when I could only see the bad. Because of them, I have learned that I can do great things despite my flaws, that I do have great potential even though I make mistakes sometimes.
- The most important thing I have learned in the last few weeks is that I don't have to bear this alone. Even when it feels like the whole world is ignoring me and nobody cares, I know that there are always people out there I can go to for help and support. My family is always there for me but, most importantly, my Savior is there for me. He knows exactly how I feel because He's gone through it all before and has experienced and overcome trials that are far greater than my own. He comprehends and can offer comfort and encouragement and can lift me from my pains and sorrows if I let Him. I'm grateful that even when I can't turn my sour lemons into delicious and refreshing lemonade, He can. Just remember that life is good and there is always hope.